Marriage goes way back. Way back so much so, it is accepted traditionally everywhere without question. And no doubt, marriage can be beautiful, but like a two-edged sword, it can destroy one if not handled properly, and by properly, I mean consciously.

This is the basis upon which marriage should be entered – consciously. Now, as regards marriage, one cannot claim to be conscious if one is emotionally ill or unstable. One has to be grounded emotionally. One has to see clearly. But there are faulty beliefs we have come to accept as truth without questioning them. And one of them is that at some point in life, we have to settle down, meaning we have to get married. If one gets married out of pressure or societal influence, the marriage, in most cases, tends to fail.

It is one thing to be in love and another to get married. The jackpot is won when two conscious beings who are in love get married. But herein lies the irony. When one understands the true meaning of love, they realize that marriage is not necessary to solidify their love. Love is organic. It needs space to blossom, but marriage, more often than not, becomes a prison, and nothing can actually grow in a cage, even if the cage is made of gold. Now, I should not be misunderstood. Marriage is a wonderful institution. But the joke has always been, “Who wants to live in an institution?” This is why, before marriage, both parties should be mature enough to know the requirements. Know what marriage actually entails, and the only way a marriage can truly blossom is when love is the foundation, when there is freedom. For love needs space to breathe.

Marriage is a contract. But love cannot be contracted. True love is like the fragrance of a flower. The flower does not say, I will only exude my fragrance if a saint passes by. No! The flower exudes its fragrance whether someone is there or not. The flower does not make a contract with Nature, saying, “I will only exude my fragrance when a beautiful woman passes by.” This is the true concept of love. It records no scores. It does not require anything in return. If someone is around to enjoy the scent of the flower, good. If no one is there, it is just as good. The flower simply blooms because it is in its nature to bloom. Likewise, true love does not require any contract. True love is a state of being. It is not a verb; it is a noun. It is not something we do, it is what we are. It is only when marriage is entered into in this kind of consciousness that the marriage is legit. But the moment true love is missing in the equation, marriage becomes null and void, even though it is accepted by society and the government. It is this missing element that has caused the disintegration of marriages we see all over the world. People enter marriage from a lower state of consciousness and expectations. But when both parties are spoiling each other with understanding, tolerance, and acceptance, the marriage blooms.

Let’s dive into the aspects of marriage that are, for the most part, not visible. First is the question, why should marriage be a contract? Most people, due to cultural and religious influences, have come to accept marriage as what a man needs to do to be whole. This is a faulty belief. It lacks substance. A man is whole as he is. He does not need anyone to complete him. By nature, he is the giving principle. And true, if there is a giving principle, there should be a polar opposite to receive. But that does not mean he cannot live alone if he so desires, nor is it required that he must marry.

The other aspect is biology, and this is where a man must master himself. This is not going against nature; it is transmuting that sexual energy into higher and refined forms of energy, like the Catholic Priests are expected to do to celebrate Mass worthily. That refined energy can then be channeled into humanitarian ideals, professional abilities, or even inventions. And even at this, he still indulges in conscious sex when the opportunity presents itself. The keyword here is conscious.

When we strip away the illusions of religious and societal influence, we find that deep down, what a man is really looking for is not sexual satisfaction but peace. A peace so deep it cannot be shaken. He wants purpose and direction. He wants a sense of identity and to know where he stands in the world. A man is looking for that centre in himself that makes him whole. He is searching for that flame in himself that does not flicker with every change in the wind. He is searching for meaning and the purpose of his existence. But until he finds that axis, he will keep searching outward for validation. He will mistake every empty feeling in himself for affection from a woman. But reality has proven that not even women can make a man fulfilled. It is this emptiness that has caused some men to move from one woman to another, hoping to find peace and fulfillment. This is where consciousness comes into play. The unconscious man, not knowing where his problems really lie, might think it is with women, the unsatiated sexual desire. So, little by little, like a ship without a rudder, he begins to drift from one woman to another. The more his sexual prowess, the emptier he finds himself. He will chase love, thinking it will steady him, only to find he is more disoriented. He will chase beauty, thinking it will anchor him. He will chase affection, thinking it will give him a sense of identity. But until he realizes that wholesomeness can only be attained from within, he may live his whole life a miserable man.

A man wants clarity, a clarity that tells him who he is and where he stands in the world. He wants purpose and direction that is not borrowed from the world but from his own spirit. From his own being. The truth is, no woman can fulfill a man. The woman is there to assist him, but she cannot define the man’s core. She can inspire him, but she cannot plant the peace within the man. The masculine core is strictly the man’s job to figure out.

Now that the question of biology and physiology is out of the way, let’s take a look at the question again. Why should marriage be a contract?

To answer this question, the other question needs to be answered first. ‘Do we want children? Do we wish to own properties? And perhaps a few more.’ When the answer is yes, perhaps marriage should be contracted. And this must be differentiated from love. But if two grown-up individuals wish to share their lives without the complexities of children and property, perhaps it is not necessary to get married. In my honest opinion, this is a relationship where love can truly blossom.

Let’s look at Nature. In Nature, love has no contract. Birds pair, wolves bond, lions mate. Nowhere in Nature is there a legal promise enforced by punishment. Bonding arises naturally and organically. It lasts as long as they are alive and dissolves when the rhythm of life changes. In Nature, love is alive; it grows. And by growth, it is subject to change. In Nature, love is wild; it is unpredictable. It cannot be caged. The problem sometimes with humans is that we think we are cut off from Nature or superior to Nature. We try to be civilized, but look at what civilization has gotten us. Two world wars and a third is brimming. I am not saying we must reduce ourselves to animals (Even though we are animals), I am just saying as humans, we can learn a lot from our cousins with four legs.

A contracted marriage, on the other hand, seems like a cage with both partners as wardens of that cage. In such an atmosphere, love suffocates. When we substitute presence in love for role-playing, the love naturally begins to decay. When love begins to decay in marriage, it is the beginning of the end. From an existential perspective, we see that life is like a river flowing. It is wild, it is uncertain. It is mysterious. No guarantees of the destination. These are some of the ingredients that make life beautiful: spontaneity. And love is no different. But marriage… marriage is a whole different story. The institutions of marriage, just like the institutions of religion, step in and say, we will give you a guarantee. We will give you safety, and like the Italian mafia, we will guarantee your safety. But this is just like the pond that has gathered water but not allowing the water to flow. In no distant time, the pond begins to decay. It is the same with marriage. Love cannot be contained. Love needs room to breathe. Freedom is the oxygen of love. Except love is not the basis of marriage. And again, I like the honesty of the Italian mafia that says, “Never marry for love.”

Society has called it security. But is it really security? Or just a fancy cage? Of course, there is emotional security, there is financial security, and social approval. While on the one hand, they seem good, on the other hand, they are the antithesis of true love. Love cannot blossom from security and social approval reasons. When a man seeks security through marriage, he trades freedom for reassurance and the adventure of a living experience. Love becomes an insurance. But love is not a business deal. It is usually the case that when one is married, one feels owned. How often do we hear the expression, “My husband, my wife.” These are not expressions of intimacy but of possession. But humans cannot be owned. And once ownership enters the equation, a subtle form of fear begins to arise. Love and fear cannot live in the same household. From that fear, jealousy, emotional policing, and in some cases, silent resentment are born. In Nature, possession does not exist. No tree owns the sun; no river owns its bank. Life shares without claiming. It is a lack of this wisdom that has caused so much trouble among our political gangsters. As if the demarcation of land is not enough, we now fight over airspace, and soon, we will start fighting over who owns the moon and planet Mars.

Another problem with ownership is the subtle roles expected of the one claimed. True, these roles may organise society, but they slowly suffocate intimacy. How can the husband who, out of misfortune, loses his job and, by extension, is not able to provide for his family, have a strong erection to make love? When roles dominate, love becomes mechanical. True love is not mechanical. Some households even schedule lovemaking as if it were some kind of chore. Instead of two conscious beings meeting each other freshly each day, marriage turns them into functions. Presence disappears, and performance remains. But Nature knows nothing of performance. A lion does not perform masculinity; a river does not perform femininity. They simply are. Only when a man and a woman meet each other from the core of their being can they actually build a beautiful relationship.

In all these, should marriage be abolished? No. There is no other institution that exposes one’s consciousness as the institution of marriage. Marriage is like a mirror. Wherever one’s faults are, they are exposed. It is a school of consciousness where one’s consciousness is expected to grow. But this only happens when one enters it consciously. When people enter marriage from a lower state of consciousness without an understanding of love, the marriage is expected to fail. Government cannot guarantee it, the Church or religious institutions cannot guarantee it.

For the enlightened beings, marriage is not salvation. It is a mirror. It shows one if one is still asleep, attached, or afraid. The enlightened being does not cling to marriage, nor does he reject it. He simply refuses illusions. If he enters marriage, he does so without ownership. Without expectations and without fear. He remains a free man who chooses connection daily, not because of a contract but because of truth.

In conclusion, what is alive cannot be owned. What is real cannot be forced, and just like the sun, what is true does not need permission.

Still, the question remains. Is marriage worth it, considering the increasing rate of divorce and the psychological damage it is inflicting on children?